What I'm looking for job- and housing-wise

I wrote this up to share with my local discussion board and on facebook, and thought perhaps I'd share it here as well -- cause ya'all are very tolerant of my thinking-out-loud posts.  I don't really think I'm moving back to Indiana anytime in the next two years, but at the same time, when opportunities are not arising here, Indiana is in the back of my mind.

Housing--
I am looking for housing for my seven-year-old daughter and myself.  We are used to small spaces and I've been looking at studios as well as one-bedrooms.  We do need a bathtub and laundry facilities (ideally these would not be the same thing:)).   Being close to public transportation is important.  Things we'd love to have, in an ideal world:  hardwood floors, cats allowed (though we do not currently have a pet), wi-fi included, proximity to library/groceries.  I've been looking at places in the $400-550 range and looking wistfully at housing up to $625 if it has lots of other redeeming qualities.   Communal living is also a possibility for us.

Location-wise:
In Denver I'm looking at north of 6th, west of York, and south of the Arvada/Westminster border -- ideally north of Colfax and west of Broadway -- though I suppose it depends where I end up working.

In Indiana I'm largely thinking of Goshen but am open to possibilities in Warsaw and Fort Wayne as well.  In Goshen:  close to downtown and/or Assembly.

Job --

My background is in education -- I have a B.A. in Early Childhood and Elementary Education with a minor in TESOL.  I'm open to working in education but very interested in exploring many other fields as well.  I've recently worked for a public library and for The Container Store.  Since being hit byu a car, I don't think that a job that involves large amounts of lifting would be a good match right now.  Ideally, at least for this first year or two, I'd like to have a job that is finished when I leave for the day.  I'm quite willing to cobble together two different part-time jobs to make my life work well, especially if they seem like a good fit.  And I'd love to work for a local business. 

Some possibilities I've been mulling over:

• working with animals
• data entry
• working with older adults
• working with books/reading
• customer service
• food service
• education
• office work in general
• something with the Spanish language
• childcare with the right family

So this is just a little of what I've been thinking.  Feel free to ask me more questions and share your ideas.

A Saturday evening in April

Wow.  April already.  I turn 35 this month.  I'll be house-sitting towards the end of it.  It was in the low 80s today.  Today Fiona and I got together with a couple I've been friends with since I was 11 or 12.  There's a comfort in spending time with people who've known you for a while and still manage to like you. 

I'm wrangling Fiona's school schedule/transportation issues again.  I'm pondering another post about that issue, with regard to parenting in general. 

I have pictures to post, coming soon.

Hoping to meet soon with the lawyer who is looking over my divorce paperwork.  It will be good to know I'm really finished with it -- hopefully I can get to that point before the end of the month.  A week or so ago my husband and I met to go through our (my former) apartment and talk about what I'll be taking with me when I get my own place (I'm currently living with friends.)  It went well and it was nice to have that accomplished.  I need to type up the list so we each have a copy.

Fiona is coloring and we are getting ready to read some more of The Hollow Bettle.  We'll do a library trip tomorrow or Monday.

Peace to you all on this April night.

Almost Sunday in Colorado

I want to focus on the positive and I want to smile more frequently.

I think, because my car accident settlement and our divorce paperwork are both unfinished, in some ways I am living in the negative out of necessity -- I need to itemize how being hit by a car has affected my life so that the jury has the full picture and we need to be thinking about lots of worst-case scenario what-ifs with regard to the divorce and the future so that we can cover those bases now and make the best possible future for the two of us and for our daughter.

But I am getting closer to leaving both situations, closer to figuring out next steps, closer to getting out of crisis mode.  In the meantime I can still be aware of the goodness of life and choose to keep smiling, hoping, living and laughing. I need to be with positive, forward-looking, kind people.  I need to be a positive, forward-looking, kind person.  After all, as my lawyer said of me in his letter to the insurance company,

Based on her life expectancy as set forth in the Colorado Statutes she will likely live another 44 years.

I'm willing to consider that the good news of the day.  :)

Tomorrow I will be able to spend some time with my daughter, her good friend, and her friend's lovely family.  I will be glad, grateful, and content.  I will be okay.  And so will you.

A sleepy Wednesday night in cold, cold, Colorado

1.  It is currently -3 degrees outside.
2. The skin around my nose is starting to heal -- a sign that I'm not so sniffy!
3. I'm not sure how to make the rest of the school year work for my daughter transportation and schedule-wise.
4. I am safe & warm and I had food to eat today.
5. February 2011 used to seem so far away.
6. I have The Mists of Avalon waiting for me on the holds shelf at the library -- have any of you watched it?
7. I'm keeping an open mind and looking for possibilities for next steps.
8. Tomorrow I'm going to try to post a picture of the butterfly cross-stitch I'm working on for my almost seven-year-old daughter.
9. While liking the song, I'm still not sure I completely understand "Hallelujah".  Perhaps I'm looking for more of a narrative than is actually there.
10. Rest well, amigos.

Blessings to you all...

I wish you all a peaceful night.  It's been a full day -- I was away from the house for 16 hours and had some time of soul-feeding amidst the disappointment of no one showing up (again) to lead the divorce forms clinic.  Tomorrow I will take care of Mark and Lilly while Amy gets work done and Fiona will hopefully be here after school.  I'm hoping for some good rest myself and continued clarity.  Sometimes life feels pretty dismal in general.  Sometimes, in spite of it all, life feels precious and beautiful.  Sometimes it feels like nothing is ever going to be all right.  Sometimes it feels like everything already is.   I'm posting a picture of Fiona and I when she was two years old.  Let's keep that joy and spunkiness.

Ramblings on a Saturday evening

Image via Wikipedia

Read Salvation City by Sigrid Nunez today.  Good stuff.

Worked on divorce paperwork today.  Complicated stuff.

Been thinking about how, in some ways, I feel like the essence of who I am is exactly the same as it was 20 years ago.  I think I'm mostly okay with that and also aware of some things to continue tweaking.

Halloween party at Fiona's school last night.  Lots of people.  Got there late because I forgot her costume at home -- sorry to miss getting to talk to more people.  Good to have some more time in public with Jeremy (my husband from whom I'm separated) -- I feel like each time we do that, the easier it becomes.  We've spent the last 10 years together and so in some ways it still feels very easy and normal to talk to each other, while in others it feels forced and excruciating.  I'm concentrating on the goodness and thankful for the effort we are both putting in.

I need to contact my lawyer and see what he is thinking about the accident settlement.  Perhaps I'll know more after I see the doctor on Wednesday afternoon.

Hopefully Jeremy and I will be meeting with a mediator on Friday afternoon,  I believe we will try to complete the two initial forms for beginning the divorce process, after which, if I'm understanding it correctly, 90 days need to pass before turning in the rest of the paperwork (which is a ton).

So tired.  Will try to sleep soon.
 

Ramblings on a Saturday afternoon

Today is the birthday of my high school friend, John.  I don't remember very many birthdays but I always think of him on October 23rd.

Pandora is playing "All Star" by Smash Mouth -- which always makes me think of student teaching -- I'd never heard the song before til we took a camping trip and this group of fourth grade boys (let's not think about how old they actually are now) knew the song by heart and sang it at the campfire -- it was impressive.

Today is 16 months since I got hit by a car.  I will see the doctor again in a week and a half.  Been having some days where I don't think about it too much and others where the pain is very present.  Because I am still in care, we haven't been able to start the settlement.

I have a giant stack of divorce papers sitting on my floor.  Need to sit down and start filling them out.  So hard to imagine what my life will be like in two years, let alone five months.

Been working on Fiona's wings for Halloween.  Too soon to decide if I'm proud of my efforts or not -- need to figure out what to trim them with to hide the part where the fabric is wrapped around the frame.

Image via Wikipedia

I'd like to get my living space sorted out -- I think the next step is probably getting a dresser from my old apartment.

I was reminded the other day that I like beer-breath kisses (from smelling the bottle as I put it in the recycling).

My daughter is with her dad tonight.  I'm hoping to finish her wings and have them all ready for trying on when she gets home tomorrow.

I'm really grateful for all the ways friends are buoying me up right now.  So many different ways and all so important. 

In the process of making Fiona's wings I was reminded of my grandmother when I saw Amy's little silver metal sewing ruler (I'm sure that's the right term, of course) that was identical to one I can remember watching Grandma Surface use.  Later, as I stood and stared, moved things around a little bit, and stood and stared some more, I was reminded of trying to cut a pineapple in Costa Rica.  I stood there long enough, looking at that pina, that my Costa Rican mother (who had been resting but had given me permission to cut the pineapple) came out to the kitchen -- she'd been picturing me trying to cut the pineapple and realized that I was clueless and she'd better come help me.  :)

My friends, Amy and Tim, have told me that they'd like to send me "home" to Indiana for Christmas so I'm trying to figure all of that out.

Blessings to all of you today.

Tattoos, Stereotypes, and Evolution

I've been pondering a recent post on a dear friend's blog.  You may want to read it before continuing.

Tamie wrote about feeling like people were putting her in boxes.I started pondering ways that I put people in boxes, both unintentionally and completely consciously. 

Image via Wikipedia

For some reason I started thinking about people with tattoos.  My picture of a person with a tattoo includes someone who is laid-back, politically aware, down with me not wearing a bra, and all about LGBTQ rights.  I don't think I'd ever actually put that picture into words before, it wasn't quite on the surface, but it was there.

My next thought was that somebody else's picture of a person with a tattoo might be more along the lines of someone with an American flag on the lawn, some experience with the military, lots of muscles, and a Harley.


Of course I realized immediately how limiting both of those pictures were.  Someone can be both patriotic and pro-LGBTQ (see the flag image from Wikipedia for proof;))  All sorts of people without tattoos drive a Harley and are politically aware and laid-back.  :) Etc.  And it certainly highlighted the impossibility of describing a person with a few short words.

When I think about the pervasiveness of stereotypes and/or the behavior of putting others into neat little boxes that we've constructed, I wonder how much of all of this is straight up evolutionary.  Our brains are such categorizing machines -- and in fact, it's one way to assess a young child's development -- can you put all the green things/animals that walk on four legs/things you can eat together?  You can see how this skill would be helpful evolutionarily speaking.  These are the berries that Sam ate right before he died, the sun is in that part of the sky -- it will be dark and cold soon, the people who are on that side of the hill trade with us frequently, the people who live in the valley are easy to anger, etc.

Clearly, these days stereotypes do amazingly more harm than good, across the board.  I wonder how we can combat the tendency to put people in boxes  -- maybe our brains need new ways of categorizing....

A Reading Autobiography

Super Librarian is working on a Master of Library Science degree and one of her assignments is to write a reading autobiography.  She says, "In this spirit of this assignment, tell me about some people, books, or experiences that you believe influenced your attitudes about reading at an early age" and I thought it was an interesting thing to think about. 

I didn't think I had any memories of my mom reading to me until I got out my ancient copy of The Cat in the Hat and read it to my daughter.  I instantly started hearing my mother's cadences and tone of voice.  That was a neat experience. 

When I was in kindergarten I was always reading books under my desk when I was supposed to be listening to the teacher.  Oops.  Eventually they put in in a special class for a certain part of each day.  I remember the Paddington Bear pop-up book that the teacher from that class gave me as a present. 

The librarian at my elementary school wore lots of rings and tall leather boots.  When listening to her read, her leather covered calves were right at my eye level and when she took her rings off I could see the grey lines underneath. 

Hm.  Looking at those last three paragraphs I realize that my first few reading models were women.  I wonder how this would've affected me if I was a young boy.  Sort of sad to think about.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) by Gavin de Becker

So I'm pretty sure that book bloggers are supposed to have nice concise little reviews -- not rambling streams of consciousness and/or bullet pointed excerpts from the book they are reviewing.  Luckily, I've never completely identified myself as a book blogger -- or at least not as solely a book blogger.

Whew, glad we cleared that up.

So this book.  It is truly not an alarmist book, though the title would give one that impression.  The author has an impressive resume -- the book flap bills him as "America's leading expert on predicting violent behavior" -- he has advised Supreme Court justices and the C.I.A. 

We live, in the U.S. and perhaps in the West as a whole, in a culture of fear.  De Becker's first book was The Gift of Fear.  I haven't read it but I have the impression that he feels that our intuition uses fear to warn us and that warning comes for a reason.  In this book, he encourages parents to trust their intuition.  He also educates the reader about what fears are unwarranted -- thus freeing up the emotional energy and time to focus on those dangers that are more likely to occur.  This book is filled with anecdotes (all taken from actual incidents) to illustrate his points.

The rest of this post will most likely be me blathering about specific parts of the book I especially liked.  Feel free to stop reading now, but do know that I recommend this book to all and sundry.

Chapter titles:
The Search for Certainty
Intuition - The Source of Safety
Worry
Survival Signals
Talk to Strangers
The Changing of the Guard
Baby-Sitters and Nannies
Children away from Home
Sexual Predators
Children at School
Protecting Ophelia
Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn and Smith & Wesson
Friends as Enemies
All in the Family
Protecting the Village
Protecting the Gift

Actually, I've decided that there's too much good stuff in here and it's too late at night.  I've put this on my re-read list and I'll leave it at that for now.

Goodnight and good luck.

Learning at Home: A Mother's Guide to Homeschooling by Marty Layne -- Take I

I was expecting to just have a small bit to say about this book, largely about the stuff on page 22, but I just keep finding more good stuff! I find that reading books related to parenting, learning, and/or inner growth type stuff, are a really good way to stay conscious of my relationship with my daughter, to keep the way I want to interact with her in the front of my mind.  Some books are rich with passages that encourage me in this way, that represent the way I want to be a mama.  Though I wasn’t expecting this book to be like that, it certainly has been – I think that part the reason it is speaking to me so much is because, while the main focus on the book is on homeschooling, Layne takes a holistic approach to the subject and thus touches on so many other aspects of being a parent and of being a young child (and a human being, for that matter).


I did try to rein in my note-taking -- and I think I'll share less after the first 2 or 3 chapters, but I'm guessing ya'all may be seeing (notice I didn't make any assumptions by saying "reading") more than one post on this book.


From page 22:

 All of this sounds very calm, logical and reasonable, and I wish I could have been calm, logical and reasonable each time someone questioned my choices . . .  The criticism I received in the early years came from friends and acquaintances.  This was at times quite devastating, yet when I weighed the criticism against my inner convictions, I saw that it was my desire to be liked by everyone that was being threatened by people’s criticism.  Being liked by everyone has never been my goal.

I appreciate the idea that having a desire for something does not mean it is your actual goal.   I think her attitude could be applied to other situations in life where we find ourselves feeling defensive and/or criticized.  Perhaps I should apply it to this blog -- it's okay if I post things that result in people not liking me.


Also from page 22:

When someone questions my decision regarding homeschooling, I find that it is more helpful if I discuss the positive aspects of homeschooling rather than the negatives of school.  The positive reasons can be easier for someone to hear because it seems less threatening.  Because I have done something differently, some people feel my choice is a criticism of their own actions.  When I can state my reasons for my choices in positive terms based on my own feelings and perceptions, then, although the person I’m speaking with may disagree, it is often easier to accept. 

 This seems like such an obvious thing, in some ways.  And yet, it's amazingly hard to do, eh?  I like the idea that if you choose to homeschool (or some other slightly unconventional choice) your list of good things that come from it should be just as long as the list of bad things that might come from not doing it.  Don't breastfeed your child because of the downsides of formula, but rather because of the amazing benefits of breast-milk.  Don't choose to live in a smaller house/apartment because otherwise you might spend beyond your means or have a lot to clean, choose to live in a small space because it encourages creativity and less consumption.  Not only does this make it easier to talk with others about your choices without putting them on the defensive -- I think it also just keeps a more positive tune running through your own head.  And it means your decisions are made out of a desire for goodness in your life, not fear of what could be.

Three more quotes from this section that I feel can be applied outside the realm of homeschooling.  Then I'll make myself stop for now before this turns into a book.

From page 23:

Part of maturing is accepting that some of the choices you make about how you live your life may offend others.  This happens to everyone.  Homeschooling can be a way to find strengths you weren’t aware of as you find ways to stay true to your own beliefs while at the same time accepting that others may not agree with you. 

From page 25:

…air your grievances about homeschooling only to those who have no vested interest in you changing your method of education.  If your mother is quite concerned about you not sending your daughter to school, she would not be a good person to talk to when you feel that you are at the end of your rope…  When we choose to raise our children in ways that are different from the culture around us, then whatever behavior a child shows that might be irritating to his elders is usually attributed to whatever we are doing that is different from the dominant culture. 

From page 27:

Using empathetic listening skills when someone is criticizing your choice of education is an option that may also be helpful . . . i.e., “What do you mean you’re not sending her to school?  How will she ever be able to cope in the world and get a job?”  [The] empathetic response [would be] “When you think about her future you are worried she won’t be able to make it.”  As an empathetic listener, you don’t take what the person is saying personally, as something you need to defend, fix, or explain, instead you respond with empathy and concern for speaker’s feelings . . .  It is amazing how often people are really looking for an empathetic response rather than any other kind.

All quotes from Learning at Home used with author's permission:   www.martylayne.com

Waffling (and frozen yogurt) on a Sunday

Just pondering the structure of this blog -- thinking about adding some more book-specific stuff, including a list of books I read each month, a list of mini-challenges I'm participating in, etc. Wondering if that's something I'm really going to want to keep up with and thinking probably not. :) Also considering changing the color scheme. I completely understand that these are not decisions of consequence, never fear.

I need to learn a bit more about our digital camera (a hand-me-down from my husband's parents several years ago) so that I can incorporate images more often around here.

I'm taking advantage of this last hour of Sabbath and letting myself just play around a bit on the computer while listening to Pandora.

We went to church in Boulder this morning and then Fiona used some of her birthday money from Grandma Connie and Grandpa Don to buy some new Crocs (pink with an orange maple leaf Jibbet) and to then take the three of us out for sushi and frozen yogurt. It's sunny here in Denver today and it was lovely to walk around Cherry Creek as a family.

This afternoon was a nice prelude to turning 34 tomorrow!

Just gettin' my toes wet

I've really enjoyed the writing process of this blog thus far.  I like the colors I've set up (I think I erred at least very slightly on the side of not making it too busy...I think.)  It's interesting to me how much of a different feel blog writing has for me as compared to e-mail or even writing real letters.  As a small example -- I originally put two periods after "busy" up there.  Then I went back and added a third because everyone knows that an ellipsis needs three and only three.  Whereas the definition (at least for me) of how many periods there can be is much, much broader when e-mailing, instant messaging, and, to some extent, writing letters.  Oh and two more examples to prove my point...  In every instance of the word "period" prior to this sentence, I originally had typed "dot" and then realized that, really, period was more accurate.  And when I started the sentence with "Whereas," I immediately thought, "That's probably not the ideal use of that word" but I made myself leave it.  :)

But probably this is a good thing, this being more aware of what I am writing.  I'm enough of a Luddite that I think to myself,(insert crotchety voice)  "This is what's wrong with society today!  Like that school in New Zealand (?) where they let those youngsters use text-ese on their essay tests!  What is this world coming to!?"  So perhaps blogging is one way for me to keep my writing at least somewhat more refined. (Note: This is not a promise from your dear blogger to always have work of the greatest quality posted here.  Please do not return tomorrow morning looking for such.)


(Third paragraph warning for Snozz) And then there is the issue of who will be reading this.  I don't really enjoy self-censoring (a shock, I know, to those of you who know me) and I don't want to self-censor in my own blog.  (At new acquaintances' dinner tables, maybe, but not here!)  There are two aspects about this -- the whole internet safety shebang and the actual content of what I'm writing.  With the former, I basically think that if someone really wants to stalk me, steal my identity, or send me anonymous care packages in the mail, they'll do it even if I never touch a computer keyboard again.  With the latter, I think my approach should be that if somebody doesn't like what I'm saying, they don't need to frequent my blog....  (A greater concern for me isn't them not liking what I'm saying, but them not liking what they *think* I am saying.)   These laid-back approaches are somewhat easier said then done, but in general I'm not a anxious person and the idea of letting fear impact how I live my life doesn't sit well with me.  I think is mostly just beginner's nerves and soon you will all be saying :  "Seriously?  She thinks a 49 line paragraph is a good thing?"  "Why in the world does she think any of us are interested in this ridiculous topic she chose to write about today?"  "I can't believe she's saying that about sea otters/air pollution/Karl Marx/high fructose corn syrup.  That's it, we are no longer friends!"  "Oooh, I think I've finally figured out exactly where she lives and what she looks like.  Time to start filling this priority mail cardboard box with yummy lotions, minty chapstick, fun stationery, awesome socks, and a few issues of Games Magazine."