A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman by Joan Anderson

A Year by the Sea was recommended to me by the founder/executive director of a wonderfully amazing cafe I frequent.  I'd spoken with her a bit about the transitions in my own life, about my divorce and the changes it was bringing to my life.  She is in a period of transition in her own marriage, not sure yet of what it will look like by the time it's all played out, and Joan Anderson's book has been meaningful to her.  (In fact, when I told her I'd picked it up, she said she was thinking of re-reading it.)

When Anderson's sons move out of the house and her husband gets a job in another state, she surprises herself by deciding not to join him, instead taking up residence in the family cottage on Cape Cod.  She doesn't know what this decision will bring, she simply knows that something must change.  I liked this book and have some tidbits to share.


*grief is the partner of change (p. 18)

*"'How are you doing?' he asks, a benign and yet loaded question.  If I say fine, and he is not fine, there will be hell to pay.  I'm finding that unhappy people despise hearing good news from the contented ones." (p. 40)

*"I suffer less pain alone, it seems, than in the presence of an indifferent partner."  (p. 48)

*"I've no choice now but to fall in love as soon as possible -- not with a man but with my immediate life and eventually myself.  I'm free to make my own decisions and equally free to take the consequences."  (p. 49)

*"To arrive where you are, to get there from where you are not, You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy."  (p. 61, quoted from Eliot's Four Quartets (East Coker))

*"Figuring we get to experience only seventy or eighty Christmases in a lifetime, I am determined to enjoy this one my way, no matter who is or isn't around.  I read somewhere that the Frenchwoman's role is to please others, but to please herself in the process!  This concept is new for me, that my own joy is my responsibility.  Only I can receive it, and, likewise, only I can allow others to take it away . . . I've had my fill of bleak midwinters and now set my sights on joy."  (p.72)

*" [speaking of monks who were trained to treat liturgical objects with respect] . . . I couldn't help but imagine what my world might be like if I looked at the human beings I was closest to as holy and treated them with that same sense of respect."  (p. 74-5)

*"How many people have I clung to or let cling to me long after it ceased to be a healthy thing to do?  Part of the freedom I feel today comes from letting go."  (p. 112)

*"It occurs to me that I will continue to know my children less if they think I want them to be more.  Seeking perfection is a terrible thing when it robs you of the truth.  I wonder if role-playing and being careful are the chief causes of loneliness."  (p. 143)

Live the questions

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart

and try to love the questions themselves.  

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be 

given you because you would not be able 

to live them.  And the point is to live everything.  

Live the questions now.  Perhaps you will then 

gradually, without noticing it, live along some

distant day into the answers.

~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letter to a Young Poet

Clearly, I need to read more Rilke.

The God's Wife by Lynn Voedisch

From the back cover:
Up until recently, Egyptians were the freest civilized women on Earth.  They were free to own land, marry, divorce, and live independent lives.  Of these emancipated souls, one woman in several dynasties, the God's Wife of Amun, was the freest of all.  Ceremonially married to the highest god of the time, Amun, she stood second to Pharaoh in power.

Sixteen-year-old Neferet has been thrust into the role of God's Wife by her bossy mother, the Pharaoh's wife.  Unprepared for such a high office, Neferet is not skilled in the diplomacy the job needs, nor does she know anything about "pleasing" the god's icon.  Political vipers assail her head on and sexual approaches surround her.

In the 21st century, a young dancer stretches to create the perfect shapes that recall the mood of ancient Egypt.  Rebecca Kirk, chosen to play a woman in a dance production of Aida, is so immersed in he role that she often falls into trances, smelling the breeze off the Nile, feeling the desert sun on her cheeks, hearing the call of priests at Karnak temple.  It isn't long before she begins to sense that in these trances she's communicating with an Egyptian woman from the distant past.

As their worlds, separated by thousands of years, begin to grow together, Neferet starts to see Rebecca's face in the dark of the night.  When someone evil begins to plot against her reign as God's Wife, she draws on Rebecca's strength.  Rebecca, in turn, hears Neferet's voice and sees her eyes in a theater mirror when her own world is at risk of falling apart.

What is pulling their worlds together?  Is it magic or science?  And, more important, what does it mean to these two remarkable women?


As she wrote The God's Wife, Lynn Voedisch did lots of research into ancient Egypt and the practice of electing a God's Wife.  Then she took the places where there were unknowns or some ambiguity and created a story within that space. 


I'm always drawn to and intrigued by the idea of parallel universes and that was probably my favorite part of this book -- thinking about the Egypt of 4,000 years ago existing parallel to Chicago in the 21st century. 


I was surprised by the ending of the book, by the way Rebecca chose to solve Neferet's problem.  I'm not sure what I think of her decision and I'm curious about how her friends and family would've interpreted it.  I imagine this book would especially appeal to readers with an interest in dance.



3.5/5 stars

Theme Thursday -- Sound -- What Language Is by John McWhorter

Hosted by Reading Between the Pages

Rules:

*A theme will be posted each week on Thursday
*Select a conversation/snippet/sentence from the current book you are reading that features the theme
*Post it and don't forget to mention the author and title of the book
*Event is open for the whole week
*Link back to Reading Between the Pages

This week's theme is sound/music.  

 

Did you ever wonder why Ned is the nickname for Edward, Nellie for Ellen, and Nan for Ann?  After all, if someone's name is Maria and you come to be fond of her, your impulse is not to start calling her N'Maria -- and speakers of Old and Middle English were no sillier than we are.  In itself, even Ned for Ed seems a little goofy -- "Hey there, Ed, Eddie boy, good ol' . . . .Nnnnned!!!"  Why??? Today, if we have a friend named Aisha, the last thing we would start saying is "Ooh , here comes my . . . Nnnaisha!"  What was it with early Brits and n?  

 

The answer is a "mistake".  Just as in German, my is mein, in Old English, my was min [long i].  You would say, in modern parlance, mine book, mine cat.  And, you would often say, in affection, mine Ed, mine Ellen. As min changed to my, people started heaing the old n as the first sound in the names: mine Ed became my Ned.  The result was new versions of these names starting with n, used as nicknames -- i.e., names you use in affection, as people used to in saying mine Ed.

 

I'm thrilled to hear this explained, as I've often wondered about this exact thing.  I wonder if Sarah/Sallie has a similar explanation?

Sunday Stealing

I stole this meme from Bev over at My Reader's Block.  Seemed like a fun thing to do this Sunday morning.
 
 
A. Age: 35

B. Bed size: Queen

C. Chore that you hate: vacuuming -- I don't like the noise and my body doesn't like the heaviness of the vacuum.

D. Dogs: I've not owned one as an adult.  I like dogs but I'm not willing to commit to the work of having one -- I'd be happy to live with one, though, if someone else in the house did more than 1/2 of the work involved.

E. Essential start to your day: Hmmm...  I'm not sure -- I don't actually have much of a morning routine, something that I simply always do.  I guess I always brush my teeth before I leave the house.  And I prefer to wake up on my own, w/o a noisy alarm -- not that I need to sleep in -- I woke up on my own this morning around 6:30.

F. Favorite color: black, purple, blue, grey

G. Gold or Silver: Silver -- in fact, I've been thinking I need to give away all my gold stuff, because I really, really prefer silver.

H. Height: 5'5?

I. Instruments you play: none -- I tried the trumpet for a short while in middle school -- i wanted to do flute, but couldn't even get a sound out of it, so they gave me the trumpet instead.  I can't really read music, even.

J. Job title: I wonder what my job title is....   I work at a natural family living-ish store -- cloth diapers, breastfeeding stuff, babywearing gear, wooden toys, organic clothing 

K. Kids: Fiona, who was 7 1/2 yesterday.

L. Live: I've lived in Denver for 5 years now.  I grew up in Indiana -- both places feel like home to me, though perhaps in slightly different ways.

M. Mother's name: Joan, Joni, or Joanie, depending on her whim at a given moment.  :)

N. Nicknames: Bufomander, Buf (w/ one f, thank you very much), Bu, Buffalo, La Loca

O. Overnight hospital stays: a few nights in high school for random stomach issues

P. Pet peeve: when people do that waving their hand in the front of your face thing -- really?  I can't unfocus my eyes w/o you being obnoxious?  I really, really, hate it.  It feels invasive.  I mean, I guess it's one thing if we've been talking together and then I zone out -- but I'm talking about when we've not even been interacting and somehow it disturbs you that I'm sitting and thinking.  Well.  I guess that's my soapbox for the day.  :)

I used to really hate it when dishwater was left to get cold and then you had to reach through the yucky water to unplug it.  Not only does this no longer bother me, but I now do it -- mostly in a conserving water kind of thing. 

Q. Quote from a movie: I could be the Walrus, I'd still have to bum rides off people.  (Who knows what this one is from?)

R. Right or left handed: Right

S. Siblings:  Seth, 3 1/2 years younger than me.

T. Time you wake up:  Usually between 6 and 8. 

U. Underwear: Cotton or another natural fiber -- I need to get rid of all the underwear I have that is too big but haven't done it yet.

V. Vegetable you hate: Hmmm..  I don't know if there are any I truly hate, but lima beans are probably my least favorite -- though I think they could be cooked in ways I'd like.

W. What makes you run late: moving, intentionally, at a relaxed speed until I suddenly realize it's actually time to get going

X. X-Rays you've had: several after being hit by a car -- no broken bones.  Other than that, only at the dentist

Y. Yummy food that you make: brownies, spinach artichoke dip, macaroni & cheese, swisschard or other greens.



Z.  Zoo animal:  I love watching jellyfish.