Nigerian storyteller -- So very very good.

Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope: Take VI

Cover of Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope

Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope:  How to Guide Children and Teens through Times of Divorce, Death, and Crisis with the RAINBOWS Approach by Suzy Yehl Marta

Chapter Seven:  Four Stepping Stones to Healing (178-88)

• Comprehending -- "The easiest way to help a child comprehend what has happened is to ask him to share his story -- what happened to him and how it has changed his life.  Not once.  Not twice.  But many times." (179)  

Marta says children need to be able to tell their story at least 30 times -- whether the story is told 30 times to one person or once to 30 people.  She brings up a great point when she reminds us that, as children grow and mature, their view of their own story will also change and that each new stage may bring a need to retell their story with new understanding.  Another suggestion for children as they struggle to come to terms with what is happening -- ask them to tell you in their own words what they believe has happened/is happening.

• Mourning -- "Our role as compassionate companions is to encourage grieving children to verbalize their feelings of loss.  Once these feelings are outside -- in the light -- the kids will be less afraid.  Once the conflicting emotions are outside of their hearts, they will have power over the loss event.  Then they can begin the work of healing their hurt and moving on." (181-2)

• Commemorating -- "Most children need to be assured that it's okay for them to cherish their memories . . . If they are told not to mention happy memories or good times that occurred before the loss, they are being asked to deny who they are and their personal history. . . The truth is that commemorating teaches children that life has value.  Remembering teaches that love is important, despite the emotional pain that may accompany it.  After a life-altering event . . . children need to establish ways to remember the absent person and the family as it existed before the loss event." (184)
 

Marta lists ways you can help children.  With divorce:  

"The family's roots need to be honored for the sake of the children. This can be done by:

*Keeping all family photo albums and wedding pictures

*Saving keepsakes and heirlooms for the children

*Passing on family jewelry such as the engagement or wedding rings

*Sharing why you fell in love with your child's parent

*Talking about your former spouse's good qualities and traits

*Reminiscing about the happier times" (185)

• Moving Forward

          "After a divorce, a child m ay refuse to accept the reality of her new life.  She clings to the past as a way of preserving the nuclear family she had once been part of.  You can assure the child that her parents will always love her.  Help her recognize that she can have strong, loving, separate, individual, relationships with each of her parents . . . reassure the child with comments such as, 'This is not about you.  It's about your parent's own capabilities.  You are not responsible for your mother's (father's) actions.'" (187-8)



 

Chronicle Books' $500 Haul-iday Giveaway!

I've recently learned about Chronicle Books, a publisher that amazes me with the diversity of its selections.  Now, to impress us even more, they've come up with an unbelievable "Haul-iday" giveaway.

It's pretty simple --if you are a blogger, compose a wishlist of books you are drooling over.  Share your list, which can value up to $500, on your blog.  Chronicle will randomly choose one participating blog to win its wishlist.  But wait, there's more!  :)   One commenter on the winning blog will also win that blog's wishlist!  So, if you comment on this post and I am then chosen as the winning blog, you just might have a chance to win my list as well.    Winner will be chosen December 13th.  Good luck to us all!

My list, with a grand total of $491.75:  (Needless to say, it was hard to choose.)

 

Wanderlust Coffee Journal

By Troy M. Litten

$9.95

The Basic Human Kindness Address Book

By Jeffrey Fisher

$16.95

 

 

The Small Object Labels and Stickers

By Sarah Neuburger

$10.95

 

Haikubes

$24.95

Squiggles

A Really Giant Drawing and Painting Book
By Taro Gomi

$19.99

 

A Beautiful Bowl of Soup

The Best Vegetarian Recipes
By Paulette Mitchell
Photographs by William Meppem

$19.95

 

 

Pretty Pantry Gifts

A Recipe & Wrapping Kit for Delicious Jams, Sauces, and Pickles
By Tara Duggan

$19.95

  

 

Scribble It!

30 Postcards
By Taro Gomi

$9.95

 

 

Cath Kidston Masking Tape: Red Stars

By Cath Kidston

$8.95 

Cath Kidston Masking Tape: Yellow Stars
By Cath Kidston

$8.95 

 

Little Hoot

By Amy Krouse Rosenthal
Illustrated by Jen Corace

$14.99

 

A Butterfly Is Patient

by Dianna Hutts Aston
Illustrated by Sylvia Long

$16.99

Magic Scratchers

40 Tricks with Amazing Scratch-off Surprises
By Danny Orleans

$9.95

 

 

Drawing Trucks and Diggers

A Book of Stencils

$9.95

Duck! Rabbit!

By Amy Krouse Rosenthal
and Tom Lichtenheld

$16.99

 

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

A Classic Illustrated Edition
Written by Lewis Carroll

$19.95

 

 

The Sock Knitting Kit

By Alyce Benevides
and Jaqueline Milles

$19.95 

 

The Alchemist's Cat

Book One of the Deptford Histories
By Robin Jarvis

$6.95

The Big Book of Potluck

Good Food - and Lots of It - for Parties, Gatherings, and All Occasions
By Maryana Vollstedt

$19.95

 

Shadow
By Suzy Lee

$15.99

 

Noonie's Masterpiece

By Lisa Railsback
Illustrated by Sarajo Frieden

$18.99

 

The Bread Bible

300 Favorite Recipes
By Beth Hensperger

$19.95

 

Anna Sui Calico Cabaret Journal

$14.95

Stitchable Stationery

By Jenny Hart

$14.95 

Girl's World Twenty-One Sewing Projects to Make for Little Girls By Jennifer Paganelli $24.95     Rosie Flo's Coloring Book By Roz Streeten $8.99

A Seed Is Sleepy

By Dianna Hutts Aston
Illustrated by Sylvia Long

$16.99

 

 

 

Todd Parr Jumbo Journal: Pink on Earth
By Planet Color by Todd Parr

$9.99

Todd Parr Jumbo Journal: Save the Blue

By Planet Color by Todd Parr

$9.99 

 

 

Subversive Cross Stitch

33 Designs for Your Surly Side
By Julie Jackson

$14.95

Forests Eco-Keepsake Notecards
By Lisa Congdon

$14.95

Mini Lunch Notes By Peagreen $9.95   Kung Fu for Girls Self-Defense with Style Quirk Books By Simon Harrison Paperback $9.95

A bit of creating from November