A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman by Joan Anderson

A Year by the Sea was recommended to me by the founder/executive director of a wonderfully amazing cafe I frequent.  I'd spoken with her a bit about the transitions in my own life, about my divorce and the changes it was bringing to my life.  She is in a period of transition in her own marriage, not sure yet of what it will look like by the time it's all played out, and Joan Anderson's book has been meaningful to her.  (In fact, when I told her I'd picked it up, she said she was thinking of re-reading it.)

When Anderson's sons move out of the house and her husband gets a job in another state, she surprises herself by deciding not to join him, instead taking up residence in the family cottage on Cape Cod.  She doesn't know what this decision will bring, she simply knows that something must change.  I liked this book and have some tidbits to share.


*grief is the partner of change (p. 18)

*"'How are you doing?' he asks, a benign and yet loaded question.  If I say fine, and he is not fine, there will be hell to pay.  I'm finding that unhappy people despise hearing good news from the contented ones." (p. 40)

*"I suffer less pain alone, it seems, than in the presence of an indifferent partner."  (p. 48)

*"I've no choice now but to fall in love as soon as possible -- not with a man but with my immediate life and eventually myself.  I'm free to make my own decisions and equally free to take the consequences."  (p. 49)

*"To arrive where you are, to get there from where you are not, You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy."  (p. 61, quoted from Eliot's Four Quartets (East Coker))

*"Figuring we get to experience only seventy or eighty Christmases in a lifetime, I am determined to enjoy this one my way, no matter who is or isn't around.  I read somewhere that the Frenchwoman's role is to please others, but to please herself in the process!  This concept is new for me, that my own joy is my responsibility.  Only I can receive it, and, likewise, only I can allow others to take it away . . . I've had my fill of bleak midwinters and now set my sights on joy."  (p.72)

*" [speaking of monks who were trained to treat liturgical objects with respect] . . . I couldn't help but imagine what my world might be like if I looked at the human beings I was closest to as holy and treated them with that same sense of respect."  (p. 74-5)

*"How many people have I clung to or let cling to me long after it ceased to be a healthy thing to do?  Part of the freedom I feel today comes from letting go."  (p. 112)

*"It occurs to me that I will continue to know my children less if they think I want them to be more.  Seeking perfection is a terrible thing when it robs you of the truth.  I wonder if role-playing and being careful are the chief causes of loneliness."  (p. 143)

How would you describe yourself in one sentence?

So Marc and Angel Hack Life had a blog post recently that asked 365 "thought-provoking questions".  I've picked some of the ones that stood out to me and hope to occasionally use them as writing prompts.

 How would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I'm a book-loving, people-loving,laughter-desiring, optimistic mother who is periodically impatient or angry or too sure I'm right, but who tries, almost every day, to grow, to be less of a train-wreck, to be authentic, and to be accepting -- of life, of myself, and of others.


This was a tough one and I just made myself go with my (more or less) first thoughts.  So maybe we'll call this one a work-in-progress or rough draft of my "one sentence". 

What about you?  Do you have one sentence that describes you.?

Promised Valley Rebellion by Ron Fritsch

I wasn't sure what to expect when I was sent Promised Valley Rebellion by Ron Fritsch.  Then, when I read, on the back cover, a favorable comparison to Jean Auel (Clan of the Cave Bear) I really wasn't sure what I'd think, as I was pretty un-enthused during my one and only attempt to read Clan of the Cave Bear (though, in all fairness, I was pretty young -- I think it was a good 20 years ago).

I put it in my stack for Dewey's Read-A-Thon and it was the second one I picked up.  I really, really enjoyed it. From the back cover:

Prehistoric farmers inhabit a fertile river valley they believe their gods promised them in return for their good behavior.  Their enemies, hunters roaming the mostly barren hills beyond the mountains enclosing the valley, believe their gods gave it to them.

When the farmers' king refuses to allow the marriage of the coming-of-age prince to be the daughter of the farmer who saved the king's life in the last war with the hunters, her brother decides he has to help his sister and the prince, his boyhood friend, correct the flagrant injustice.

That decision leads them and their youthful allies into a rebellion against the king and his officials, who rule the kingdom from their bluff-top town.  The far more numerous farmers in the villages below, who despise the officials but not the king, and who admire the prince, are in a position to determine whether the rebels will succeed or face execution for treason.

Just excellent stuff about being human, similarities, differences, love and acceptance, forgiveness and living life.   Even if Clan of the Cave Bear isn't your cup of tea, you may want to give Promised Valley Rebellion a try.

Quote of the day

Cover of How to Survive the Loss of a Love

You are much more than the emotional wound you are currently suffering.  Don't lose sight of that.

Beneath the surface turmoil:

--you are good

--you are whole

--you are beautiful

just because you are.

p.32, How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., Melba Colgrove, Ph.D., & Peter McWilliams

Nigerian storyteller -- So very very good.