Shattered Dreams: Healing after Divorce -- DVD

I got this 30-minute video out of the library.  It is made up of short snippets of men and women talking about their experiences with divorce and with the years following their divorces.  It wasn't anything revolutionary, but it was good, nonetheless, to hear other people's experiences -- almost just an affirmation of "Yes, this is a big deal -- and it's okay that it feel like one to you."  I should've jotted my thoughts down while I was watching, but just a few things that stuck with me:

• I could've done better
• guilt is when you know you've done things wrong; made mistakes
• shame is when you feel you *are* the mistake
• anger is a normal part of this whole process  (which I completely know and believe, but it was nice to hear it echoed here.)
• mourning what was & what could've been

The DVD came with a little brochure with additional information.  A few excerpts:

From Top 10 Survival Tips for Divorce Recovery (by Micki McWade):

• Remember, if you have children, you will be in touch with each other until one of you dies.
• The way a divorce is handled impacts your life for a long time.  It sets the stage for many years.
• If you act with thought, rather than with emotion, you will save yourself grief.
• Don't let the lawyers control the divorce process.  It's your divorce and you are in charge. 
• Eat when you are hungry, drink when you are thirsty, rest when you're tired, and exercise to blow off steam or or lift your spirits.
• Death of the "dream of the ideal" is the last thing to go.

From 10 Tips to Help Your Child Through Divorce (by Lois V. Nightingale, Ph.D.)

• Let your child know it is not their fault.  All children assume they may be responsible for their parents' breakup.  Children may need to be gently reassured repeatedly.
• Listen quietly.  Children have many questions, feelings, assumptions, and concerns about divorce.  Children need to feel heard with quiet patience and undivided attention.
• Let your child know however they respond to the divorce is O.K.  Children need to know all their feelings are acceptable. 
• Let your child know it is normal for them to want their parents to get back together again.
• Reassure your child of personal safety.  Many children are concerned that if their parents there will not be enough food or shelter or clothing for them.
• Ask your child about friends of theirs whose parents are divorced.  This is a good way to learn of your child's fears and assumptions about divorced parents, and gives you the opportunity to clear up any misconceptions.

From the Bill of Rights for Children Whose Parents Are Divorced (from Parenting After Divorce:  A Guide to Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs by Dr. Philip M. Stahl)

Children have the right to:

• Be protected from the parental warfare.
• Develop and maintain an independent relationship with each parent.  
• Be free of responsibility for having caused the divorce.
• Expect that both parents will follow through with the parenting plan and honor specific commitments for scheduled time with their child.
• Avoid being told the painful details of their parents' legal proceedings.
• Avoid being made to feel guilty for loving both parents.
• Avoid being cross-examined by one parent after spending time with the other parent.
• Not be used as a messenger or spy between the parents
• Not be asked to keep secrets from the other parent.

Friday 56 -Storyteller by Patricia Reilly Giff & Book Beginnings -- Summer at Tiffany by Marjorie Hart

Welcome to The Friday 56, now hosted by Freda’s Voice.
Here’s how it works:
Rules:
*Grab a book, any book.
*Turn to page 56.
*Find any sentence that grabs you.
*Post it
*Link it here...

For the first time, Elizabeth realizes what it must be like to have a mother.  ~Storyteller by Patricia Reilly Giff

This is my current read with my six-year-old.  Elizabeth is a young girl from the 21st century.  Zee is her ancestor, a young girl living during the American Revolution.  Elizabeth is staying with her mother's sister, her Aunt Libby, while her father is in Australia.  She becomes interested in a drawing of Zee that hangs on her aunt's wall.  Meanwhile, we hear Zee's point of view of the turmoil in her 18th century family and community.   It's a short book -- 166 pages.  We've just come to the point where Elizabeth, who didn't want to go to Libby's to start with, learns that her father is coming home early and discovers, to her surprise, that she's disappointed and reluctant to leave both Libby and Zee.

How to participate: All you have to do is share the first line (or two) of the book you are currently reading on your blog or in the comments. Include the title and the author so we know what you're reading (and can go pick up a copy if it sounds good!). Then, if you feel so moved, let us know what your first impressions were based on that first line and whether or not you liked the sentence(s).

From the top deck of the bus, Marty and I were mesmerized by Fifth Avenue as we watched glamorous stores spring up like pages out of Mademoiselle. ~Summer at Tiffany by Marjorie Hart

This was recommended by a fellow blogger ages ago, and I'm finally going to start it this evening or tomorrow.

Quote of the day

Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life.  Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend.  

~Charles H. Spurgeon

Love to the many people who are helping me keep my head above water these days. It's not easy.

Fun stuff

A friend of mine sent me this:


after I told him how much I like this:

Teaser Tuesdays -- November 9, 2010 --Careers for Bookworms

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR lists if they like your teasers! 

Michael believes that one of the reasons you go to college is to find out what you're not good at.  He discovered that he was not good at novel writing, which had been his career goal.

~ McGraw-Hill's Careers for Bookworms and Other Literary Types (4th edition) by Marjorie Eberts & Margaret Gisler

I find this quote really thought-provoking.  I went to a liberal arts college for five years.  I had difficulty choosing a major.  I thought a lot about social work but eventually chose elementary education, later adding early childhood education as a second major and TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) as a minor.  I feel as though I majored in something I was fairly good at, but, perhaps, not the exact right choice -- though I'm also willing to consider the possibility that it was just right for me at the time.  So much else is changing in my life right now that job and career stuff seem very up-for-grabs as well.

Other majors that appeal to me (though I don't have any concrete plans to go back to school):

• Linguistics 
• English (which is key to many careers discussed in this book)
• Spanish
• History
• Literature
• Behavioral Economics

Some of the career options discussed in this book make me drool, to be quite frank. 

• Editorial Assistant -- while I think that being an editor or executive editor would possibly be too high-pressure for me and would certainly require more experience/education than I have at this point, I think I could thrive as an editorial assistant.
• Assistant Editor/Copyeditor/Proofreader -- I already do this internally when I'm reading -- so why not put it down on paper?
• Indexer -- this is the second time in the past few months that I've heard about this specific job (something I'd never thought about before -- "Oh, right -- somebody must do the index...")  From the little I've learned, it seems like indexing might be a skill that is somewhat easier to acquire at this stage of my life and I think it's something I could enjoy -- also something you can do as a freelancer. The idea of having a job that I could continue even were I to change geographic locations seems handy.  You can take correspondence classes to be trained as an indexer.  Of course, spending the entire day at a computer terminal might be physically taxing.
• Assistant at a literary agency -- ". . . could include reading manuscripts and writing reviews; typing and filing correspondence to authors and publishers; and scheduling meetings among authors, agents, and publishers" (49).
• Book club selector -- select books to be offered in Book-of-the-Month Club, Quality Paperback Book Club, etc.  I would enjoy reading and evaluating books that I think others would enjoy.
• Editorial Assistant (Magazine Staff) -- Oooh, what if I could work at The Sun?
• Letters Department Manager (Magazine Staff)
• Consumer Relations
• Obviously, I'd also be happy working in a library (again), a bookstore, or to be involved in literacy in some way.

This book is full of all sorts of career options in addition to the ones I've listed here as well as concrete advice as to what steps to take to find a book-related job you'll love.

The Simple Woman's Daybook -- November 8, 2010

Hosted by Peggy


FOR TODAY

Outside my window... I'm in the basement this morning, so I just see the corrugated metal of the egress window and some sticks that have fallen down there.  :)
I am thinking... I might go crazy and I might stay sane. Luck of the draw.
I am thankful for... the kindness of strangers -- makes me cry these days.
From the learning rooms... reading about media myths -- bra-burning, Watergate, the War of the Worlds radio broadcast, etc. -- learning about things I thought I knew!
From the kitchen... Cathe Olson's Roasted Root Vegetable Salad
I am creating... a present for my friend Cathy.
I am going... to print out even more divorce-related forms this afternoon.
I am reading...Getting It Wrong:  Ten of the Greatest Misreported Stories in American Journalism by W. Joseph Campbell 
I am hoping... I can make considerable strides, before Thanksgiving, with both legal cases I'm currently involved in.
I am hearing... "Carol of the Bells" playing on Pandora because, as we all know, it's time for Christmas music.
Around the house... One last load in the dryer and all the laundry is clean & put away!
One of my favorite things...  Jokes between friends that have lasted for decades.  (I know, I know -- misplaced modifier.)
A few plans for the rest of the week:  Taking care of Lilly and Mark tomorrow and possible seeing our friends Amy & Henry as well, cooking, maybe go hear a children's non-fiction writer @ Tattered Cover (Mark Aronson, talking about his recent book, Sugar Changed the World), sell more stuff on Craigslist
Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Yeah, it's been that kind of time...

Yeah -- it's been like that lately.

So I know you're all pictured out, but I just have a few more sweet Halloween pics from Lauren...