I'm going to practice here for what I should say elsewhere, in larger public forums...

On August 3rd, my daughter and I left our house and have been living with friends ever since.  I know that it will soon be time to share a certain amount of what is going on with a larger amount of people and I thought I would do a little draft here of what exactly it is that we might share. Depending on the intended audience it may end up in either first person singular or first person plural.  Writing it here is also a way for my husband to take a look and see what he thinks.

For the last month, Jeremy and I have been living apart.  Things have been very very hard for a very very long time.  While I'm not sure at exactly what pace we'll move, I believe that we are heading toward a legal separation and, eventually, a divorce.

There is a real sense of loss and grief involved in the dissolution of our marriage -- as, no doubt, there should be.  I am sad for the connections I lose and for the hopes I had. I am sad that my daughter has two toothbrushes now. I am sad that life is so very, very complicated and overwhelming at this point.

It is strange, for both of us, I think, to begin moving toward a future that involves the other person to a much lesser degree.   Of course, we will always be connected to the other person because we have a child together.  My hope and dream is that we will eventually be able to be together for holidays and family time and have that be okay -- that we can regain some sense of friendship.

Though it probably doesn't always seem that way to the other person, we are both trying to do this in a way we are both proud of in years to come and in a way that honors both our past and our future.  We both continue to want the best for the other person.

We appreciate your prayers and thoughts during this time.  It is a scary thing to share this intimate part of our lives with others and we hope that you will receive it in a spirit of compassion.  Feel free be in touch, though we are still working out what feels comfortable to share.  Please remember, if you speak to us when Fiona is around, that she is a very "listening" child and that we try to be very aware of what we say in front of her.

Deep Breaths -- Take Two

Image via Wikipedia

I've been going through some major changes and transitions in my life right now, giant, scary, hard, sad changes and transitions.  Overwhelming, exhausting, sob-inducing, confusing, tricky, all-encompassing changes and transitions.  Overdue and potentially life- and light-bringing changes and transitions.

Image via Wikipedia

I've been staying on the lighter side here on the blog -- perhaps just as a space where I can keep pretending everything is normal/status quo/okay.

Image by woodleywonderworks via Flickr

I'm pretty sure that at some point I'll start sharing more on here -- perhaps after I figure out the balance between this being my space to process and share and this being a public space that anyone can read.  Between being fair to everyone involved and being good to myself, giving myself some space to think aloud and find encouragement.

Image by LensCat via Flickr

Love and peace to you all on this Monday morning.

Image via Wikipedia