Wow.

I just said goodbye to my friend Colleen and closed the door, standing inside my new apartment.  What a whir of emotion.  My husband and I separated August 1st of last year and have since divorced.  My seven-year-old daughter and I have been living with friends for a year.  I'm apprehensive about all kinds of different aspects of this new step but so ready and excited, too.  I'll keep adding things to my Amazon wish list and taking things one day at a time.  :)  For example, tomorrow I may need to actually fill my fridge with food, but for now, Fiona has a hair appointment in an hour, then she and I will be at work until seven-fifteen or so, and then come back to sleep in our new place for the first time.

The Simple Woman's Daybook -- Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Hosted by Peggy.

Outside my window...a cooler day with thunderstorms likely for the foreseeable future, sunny and green after all the rain we've already gotten.

I am thinking...about how little I'll see Fiona once school starts.

I am thankful... that we caught the earlier bus home last night from work -- so we didn't have to wait another hour or more!

From the learning rooms...picking Becoming a Life Change Artist back up -- it's one of the few books I've read where it's so rich and dense with goodness that I have to keep coming back to it -- still haven't finished it.

In the kitchen... all the dishes clean -- maybe I should ponder making bread tonight or tomorrow.

I am going...  to work Friday, Saturday, & Sunday this weekend.

I am wondering... what tomorrow will be like.

I am reading... The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Boat of Her Own Making, with Fiona.

I am hoping... to be able to see my out-laws a fair bit when they are here in August.

I am looking forward to...last time I did the Daybook I didn't have an answer for this one so I posted on facebook that I needed something to look forward to -- now I have a letter coming from my friend Beth -- a good thing to look forward to.

I am hearing... Fiona playing happily outside, the kitchen clock ticking, and Song of the South by Alabama playing on Pandora -- always reminds me of road trips with my grandparents.

Around the house...needing to unpack the clothes that are in a breaking cardboard box and wash the sheets.  Kellan, Josie, and Jen will be home soon.

One of my favorite things...rain


Here is picture for thought I am sharing...  Fiona with the three things she bought with birthday and Easter money from Grandma and Grandpa Carlson, Grandma King, Grandma Connie and Grandpa Don -- A new sun hat (the skulls were her choice), a stuffed animal/monster she's named Cross-Eyed, and a stencil art book (and one of the pictures she's made with it)!  She really loves being able to pick things out and buy them with her own money.  Thank you to all of you!!

Thank you Aunt Vinnie! (and Uncle Craig ;))

Stickers

Lilly and Fiona hard at work

Lip gloss -- Fiona opened it and said "It's beautiful!  Also, the view of the mountains from our back yard.

Mark and Fiona with sidewalk chalk -- our plan for the morning.

Some fancy paper(ish) dolls -- Fiona's already working on them.  :)

A chalkboard mug for me and a zipperpull/backpack creature for Fiona -- She's named the creature Mrs. Sun.

Picture frames -- just right for Fio to have a picture of each parent when she is away from them.

A very fun calendar to color -- we've been enjoying working together on it.

It's so much fun to get packages in the mail!  We love you and miss you and Fiona sends love to Pup.

Five things to be grateful for...

Image by Metapratsch via Flickr

1.  people who help get our daughter to school
2.  brand-new soap as a present from Dara
3.  clean sheets
4.  safe travels
5.  winning T. Rex E-Z socks for our three-year-old housemate!

Happy Thanksgiving 2010

Image via Wikipedia

I'm not even sure how to start this blog post.  I'm in a really, really low place in my life.  I feel alone, I feel aching sadness, I feel deep grief, and I feel raging anger.  I feel abandoned and unwanted, I can't imagine how to make this new life work and I'm scared to death of the future.

At the same time, I feel so supported, so cared for, so lucky, and so blessed.  I can't begin to make a complete list of the people and things I'm thankful for.  People who have known me for years, new friends, and a few I've not even met, from very close by, from across the country, and in a few other countries, are the only reason I'm still keeping my head above water.  I know I keep saying that but it just really is the essence of my life right now.  I'm so sad and I'm so scared, but if I try just a little I remember that there are some people out there who love me and think I have some redeeming qualities.

I know I'm gonna need to figure out how to make it and I know there is a lot for me learn.  I know there are going to be some more amazingly hard things thrown at me.  But sometimes I think that maybe some good things will come as well -- it's just harder to imagine what those things are. As I said a few months ago, I'm pretty sure that the tears of the recent past have brought me a few more lines on my face, but I'm trying to have faith that the world has more laugh lines in store for me as well.  I'm thankful for hope.

I'm thankful for running water and the cat who is currently between me and the back of my chair.
I'm thankful for friends who open their hearts & homes to me.
I'm thankful for my daughter who is healthy, kind, and strong.
I'm thankful for phone calls, e-mails, letters, and care packages.
I'm thankful for those who give me the benefit of the doubt.
I'm thankful that life is both so short and so long and I hope I can remember both of those aspects.
I'm just so thankful, so gol-durned thankful for love.

Image via Wikipedia

I'm thankful for people who believe there is goodness out there for me and tell me so -- and for those who believe there is goodness in me and tell me so.
I'm thankful for people who get that I know it could all be so much worse -- and yet get that it still all sort of sucks at this moment in time.
I'm thankful for really cozy blankets and deep bathtubs.
I 'm thankful for hand-me-down jeans that feel good on my body and for crafty projects to work on and for the crafty friends who help me learn new skills.
I'm thankful for pretty peaceful snow falling from the sky.
I'm thankful for sleep and for chapstick.
I'm thankful for lotion and safe neighborhoods.
I'm thankful for bills that are slowly being paid off and customer service people who are kind to me on the phone.
I'm thankful for people who are kind to my daughter and who are walking alongside her in this time of change.
I'm thankful for clean mirrors and fun socks.
I'm thankful for you if you are reading this and feeling compassionate.
I'm thankful for ridiculous songs I can sing along to and I'm thankful for new possibilities, even if I can't envision them right now.
I'm thankful for my grandparents and the presence they were in my life. 
I'm thankful that I'm here today, able to live and love and try and fail and try again and be thankful.

Five things to be grateful for...

1. soft,clean blankets
2. a healthy child
3. watching rabbits outside
4. breathing
5. friends who know me and still love me

What matters to you most in life?

I just barely started reading Becoming a Life Change Artist: Seven Creative Skills to Reinvent Yourself at Any Stage of Life by Fred Mandell, Ph.D. & Kathleen Jordan, Ph.D.

The foreword is written by Richard J. Leider, the founder and chairman of the Inventure Group.  He speaks of asking people "What matters most to you in life?" and how often they don't really have a ready answer/haven't thought about it in a long time.

His question made me stop and think.  I'm not sure I have anything momentous or unique to say or even fully formed ideas.  But I just wrote down some of my first thoughts in my journal and will share them here.

• being kind and supportive to others
• a belief that, above all else, relationships are what we leave behind on this planet & that making a difference can happen in big or small ways
• being a good listener
• modeling good lifestyle choices to/for my daughter
• being interdependent (rather than dependent or independent)
• taking the time to both work and play
• learning to be more gentle
• laughter
• tears
• joy
• hope
• being welcoming
• living in community and contributing to that community
• creating traditions and making memories
• learning and growing and loving

Lakeside Amusement Park -- Friday, August 20, 2010

A friend gave me eight tickets for unlimited rides at Lakeside Amusement Park in Denver.  Lakeside has been around since 1908 or some such crazy thing and it was so much fun.  It very much had the feel of a county fair.  Fiona and I were able to go with our four housemates -- Alex, Beth, Mikaela, & Sofia -- as well as our friends Angela and Isaac.  It was so lovely -- an entire evening free of worries and full of laughter. Thanks to Beth and Angela for the pics!

Back:  Isaac, Angela, Mikaela, Beth, me, Alex.  Front: Sofia, Fiona.

I wanted to ride some rides but I wasn't sure how it would affect my injuries.  In the picture above you can see my solution -- a trick I also used in labor -- a nice loose mouth with a low groan -- kept my muscles nice and loose.  :)

Back:  Beth, me, Alex, Mikaela.  Front: Sofia, Fiona, Isaac.

 

Love the light in this one.

14 months since being hit by a car -- August 23, 2010

Image by Chris and Jenni via Flickr

Though this picture isn't me, I can remember the experience.  :)

I was hit by a car, on June 23rd, 2009, while walking across the street (in the crosswalk, with a green light and walk signal).  Ambulance came and I spent several hours in the emergency room.  No broken bones, was able to walk out of the ER, but continued having pain -- lots of soft tissue kinds of stuff -- hand, wrist, shoulder, neck, knee.  At the beginning, making the motion to close a ziploc bag hurt, I switched to a small purse and small water bottle because otherwise the weight was too much for me, and I was easily exhausted.  Mid-fall things began improving medically, and continued to do so slowly and steadily for a while.   I don't have health insurance and that has added an additional struggle on top of everything else.

Heartfelt thanks to those of you who've been walking with me these past 14 months. 

I've been trying to write journal entries periodically with the thought that they may be helpful if we need to go to court while at the same time giving me the chance to think about my progress.  Here's the latest one.

Fourteen months since the accident -- I continue to realize just how much the effects from it are still with me on a day to day basis.  In the past four months I have been getting closer to being as good as I'm going to get, so to speak, body-wise.  My physical therapist released me from care, saying that she had done as much as she could do for me.  My original doctor has moved to a new office and I have started seeing Dr. Pham.  She says that I will never be back to 100% -- that I may have some 100% days but that I will also have 50% days.  Simple daily activities are so much harder now.  Carrying my daughter's car seat, washing dishes, pulling wet clothes out of a dryer -- even writing, if I do it for too long -- cause pain in my wrist, my shoulder, my forearm, and/or my neck.

I know that I'm so lucky that the accident wasn't worse than it was -- so lucky.  And yet the impact it continues to have on my day-to-day life is significant.  I am able to do so much more than I was able to do directly after the accident, but I know that often, if I try to accomplish too much in a given day, I will be in pain later on.  I continue to take two different pain medications and sometimes wonder what will happen when I stop taking them --- if there will be a resurgence of a higher pain level.

I saw the massage therapist on Thursday and he said my body is allowing him to work much deeper than it ever would have 8 months ago.

I continue to struggle to pay my medical bills and field phone calls from creditors and see my doctor every 2-4 weeks.  I have an appointment with her tomorrow and I'll be interested to see what she has to say. 

Deep Breaths -- Take Two

Image via Wikipedia

I've been going through some major changes and transitions in my life right now, giant, scary, hard, sad changes and transitions.  Overwhelming, exhausting, sob-inducing, confusing, tricky, all-encompassing changes and transitions.  Overdue and potentially life- and light-bringing changes and transitions.

Image via Wikipedia

I've been staying on the lighter side here on the blog -- perhaps just as a space where I can keep pretending everything is normal/status quo/okay.

Image by woodleywonderworks via Flickr

I'm pretty sure that at some point I'll start sharing more on here -- perhaps after I figure out the balance between this being my space to process and share and this being a public space that anyone can read.  Between being fair to everyone involved and being good to myself, giving myself some space to think aloud and find encouragement.

Image by LensCat via Flickr

Love and peace to you all on this Monday morning.

Image via Wikipedia

Things that are good about today

• My in-laws arrive this evening for a week long visit.
• It won't be quite as hot as yesterday.
• My daughter is going to her first birthday party without one of her parents and is looking forward to it.
• I have a safe house with clean water and lovely cats.
• I didn't get hit by a car yesterday.
• My husband and I worked together yesterday to get the bedrooms swept in preparation for the in-laws' visit -- less to do today!
• I woke up with a bloody nose but didn't get any on my clothes.
• I find this mildly amusing.
• My daughter just said (to herself while making up a story) "Now that they are dead, we can rest in peace."
• We are having eggs for breakfast.

Hope you all have many things that are good about today as well!

Simple Woman's Daybook -- the wee hours of the morning on the last day of May 2010

 Check it out here!


FOR TODAY
Outside my window... a gorgeously cool Colorado night

I am thinking...about what Memorial Day 2010 will be like for me
I am thankful for...those who are trying to improve the situation in the Gulf of Mexico

From the learning rooms...studying the instruction manual that came with my new camera! 

From the kitchen...eating up the left-over spaghetti and thinking about making apple-oatmeal bars

I am wearing...a tie-dyed shirt and grey jersey capris -- both from a clothes swap

I am creating...presents for my friend Elizabeth in New York -- after this, only one more facebook gift to make!

I am going...to bed very very soon

I am reading...The Tightwad Gazette II and finding some good stuff as well as some extremely dated stuff

I am hoping...that Kacy's spinal tap results will be helpful

I am hearing...a quiet quiet sleeping family

Around the house...need to wash out the litterbox I got on freecycle

One of my favorite things...lovely pens

A few plans for the rest of the week: spend the day with Keely on Wednesday and then off to AVS for a celebratory gathering (similar to a graduation open house), PT on Thursday, and the 48 hour reading challenge starting on Friday!!

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

One of the very first pictures I took with my brand new camera!  Very exciting.

Simple Woman's Daybook -- Sunday May 22nd 2010

 Check it out here!

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... a dark, cool night -- I love brisk Colorado nights after hot and sunny days

I am thinking...that I don't know whether or not I should feel sheepish about how freeing the idea of staying home from church feels.

I am thankful for...all the good stuff my husband accomplished today.

I am wearing...a hand-me-down maternity skirt from Old Navy -- and I'm not pregnant.

I am creating...two more facebook gifts.

I am going...to bed as soon as I finish this. 

I am reading...White Cat by Holly Black.

I am hoping...that my brother feels safe and loved tonight.

I am hearing...a little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane on Pandora...gotta love a fellow Hoosier.

Around the house...Monopoly money drying on the table after a water glass incident.

One of my favorite things...windy windy days like today.

A few plans for the rest of the week: Celebrating my friend Gemma's birthday, PT, book club, Alpine Valley picnic/silent auction.

A picture for thought I am sharing... My daughter and I two summers ago on a lovely camping trip with my parenting group -- coming up again soon!

Things that are good about today

A new meme I've discovered... 
Thanks to Miz B ...

13 things that are good about today

1. Our car doesn't have a giant issue to fix after all.

2. My husband made me a mug of tea this morning.

3.  I found a bus ticket so I can get home from PT

4. beautifully mild weather

5. clean clothes to wear

6.  The cats made Jeremy and I laugh as we watched their antics this morning.

7.  Fiona woke up happy and healthy.

8. I can now put deodorant on without increased pain in my shoulder and arm!

9. I'm looking forward to touring the Celestial Seasonings factory with my in-laws when the come next month.

10.  My daughter really likes the new socks she bought with some of her birthday money.  Each sock has a different day of the week on it.  :) 

11. She and I will get to spend some time at the Tattered Cover after physical therapy today.

12.  Our neighbor gave us some tortillas yesterday which means we now can have quesadillas for dinner.  We will live to fight another day!  :)

13.  I was able to buy myself a camera with my birthday money and it will soon be on its way here!





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The Simple Woman's Daybook -- Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A lovely way to start the day from Peggy.

 

Outside my window...my absolutely favorite weather -- cool, cloudy, singing birds

 

I am thinking...  ~that it would be fun to foster kittens

I am thankful for...  ~clean water to drink

I am wearing...  ~a dark pink tank top that I think looks really good on me even if it is old, stained, and a hand-me-down

I am remembering...  ~how nice it was to spend the day with my parents and the trip to the Farmer's market with them was so cool

I am going...  ~to try to get to Target today to refill my pain medicine

I am currently reading...  ~What to Eat by Marion Nestle

I am hoping...  ~to sell a down jacket or wedding dress or ivory heels on Craigslist so that we have more than two dollars of grocery and gas money for the rest of the month

Around the house...  ~thinking about putting away winter clothes, etc. 

A few plans for the rest of the week...seeing my doctor, meeting a mama from my parenting board for the first time, figuring out if I want to do childcare for a Jazzercise studio

 

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing (one of the four cameras I'm thinking of spending my birthday money on) ...

A Reading Autobiography

Super Librarian is working on a Master of Library Science degree and one of her assignments is to write a reading autobiography.  She says, "In this spirit of this assignment, tell me about some people, books, or experiences that you believe influenced your attitudes about reading at an early age" and I thought it was an interesting thing to think about. 

I didn't think I had any memories of my mom reading to me until I got out my ancient copy of The Cat in the Hat and read it to my daughter.  I instantly started hearing my mother's cadences and tone of voice.  That was a neat experience. 

When I was in kindergarten I was always reading books under my desk when I was supposed to be listening to the teacher.  Oops.  Eventually they put in in a special class for a certain part of each day.  I remember the Paddington Bear pop-up book that the teacher from that class gave me as a present. 

The librarian at my elementary school wore lots of rings and tall leather boots.  When listening to her read, her leather covered calves were right at my eye level and when she took her rings off I could see the grey lines underneath. 

Hm.  Looking at those last three paragraphs I realize that my first few reading models were women.  I wonder how this would've affected me if I was a young boy.  Sort of sad to think about.

Teaser Tuesdays -- Five things you are thankful for

Teaser Tuesdays is a weekly bookish meme, hosted by MizB of Should Be Reading. Anyone can play along! Just do the following:

• Grab your current read
• Open to a random page
• Share two (2) “teaser” sentences from somewhere on that page
• BE CAREFUL NOT TO INCLUDE SPOILERS! (Make sure that what you share doesn’t give too much away! You don’t want to ruin the book for others!)
• Share the title & author, too, so that other TT participants can add the book to their TBR Lists if they like your teasers!
  

To remind myself of this, as soon as I wake up each day, I write down five things for which I am grateful.  I have found that rather than just think about what I'm appreciative of, if I write them down, it sets a tone of gratitude for my entire day.  
~p. 167, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT with either the link to your own Teaser Tuesdays post, or share your 2 ‘teasers’ in a comment here (if you don’t have a blog). Thanks!

The Simple Woman's Daybook - Sunday, May 9, 2010

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... it's continuing to look more and more like spring!  I love this mild weather.

I am thinking...about spending my birthday money to buy myself a digital camera.

I am thankful for...my husband going grocery shopping yesterday.

I am wearing...a slight sunburn on my face.

I am remembering...my mom and other mother figures in my life.

I am creating...a stash of images & words to use for making collages

I am going...to enjoy Mother's Day

I am reading... A Great Deliverance by Elizabeth George -- I've not read her before and this is her first one.  I may have found a new mystery series.  :)

I am hoping...that my husband hears back about the three jobs he's applied for

I am hearing... the cats gallop through the hall like horses

Around the house... 15 minutes of closet decluttering

On my mind...what life will be like in another 4 months

Noticing that...the banner from last year's Father's Day is still up on the wall

Pondering these words..."What would happen if we listened to children as much as we talked to them?" ~Gloria Steinem

One of my favorite things...having a cat curled up on my legs

A few plans for the rest of the week...calling Medicaid about my daughter's application, getting ready to go on retreat with my daughter's school, celebrating my friend Gemma's birthday

Here is a picture for thought I am sharing... three generations of women

 

The Simple Woman's Daybook - May 4, 2010

http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

FOR TODAY

Outside my window... wind blowing the new spring buds, bright yellow green leaves, and wind chimes

I am thinking...it's funny I can hear the cat snoring

I am thankful for... bagels and cream cheese in my refrigerator

I am wearing...the shirt my dorm floor had made in college (my name is on the back as one of the "Top Ten reasons to live on Miller 1st :))

I am remembering...what Sartre said about other people

I am creating...a calm heart, a calm heart, a calm heart

I am going...to be okay, be okay.

I am reading... Shift by Jennifer Bradbury

I am hoping...I feel happy in five years about the decisions I make this year

I am hearing...my husband vacuuming up the baking soda we put on the carpet in the corner to absorb the smell...Thanks, Jeremy.  And thanks Felix & Tucker for remembering where your litter box is tomorrow!

Around the house...very clean carpet in the little bedroom  :)

On my mind...appropriate and inappropriate uses of facebook

Noticing that...my water glass doesn't magically become full if I check it again 33 seconds later

Pondering these words... "We are looking to brands for poetry and for spirituality, because we're not getting those things from our communities or from each other."  ~Naomi Klein



One of my favorite things...mild spring nights with a breeze

A few plans for the rest of the week... physical therapy, a five-year-old's birthday party, and some time to myself on Sunday morning

Here is picture for thought I am sharing (from my friend Amy)...

The Simple Woman's Daybook - Nearly the End of April

From Peggy at The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...  ~ a sunny, sunny Denver morning

I am thinking... ~ how nice it will be to have a day at home with my six-year-old daughter

I am thankful for... ~a nice full water bottle

From the kitchen... ~no knead whole wheat rolls -- trying them for the first time

I am wearing... ~aromatherapy patches on my chest in an effort to self-soothe

I am remembering... ~that internet communication is not always a positive medium

I am going...  ~ to try to make myself stop changing the format/look of my blog once I get 10 followers.  :)

I am reading...  ~ the digital edition of Mothering Magazine thanks to my friend Keely

I am hoping...  ~ to keep things in perspective all day long

I am hearing...  ~ my husband preparing his lunch for the day

Around the house... ~ going to declutter 5 things today! 

One of my favorite things... ~ laughing

A few plans for the rest of the week: ~ physical therapy, a friend's celebration of her new U.S. citizenship, a thesis defense at my daughter's school, writing a letter to my brother

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...