Learning at Home: A Mother's Guide to Homeschooling by Marty Layne -- Take I

I was expecting to just have a small bit to say about this book, largely about the stuff on page 22, but I just keep finding more good stuff! I find that reading books related to parenting, learning, and/or inner growth type stuff, are a really good way to stay conscious of my relationship with my daughter, to keep the way I want to interact with her in the front of my mind.  Some books are rich with passages that encourage me in this way, that represent the way I want to be a mama.  Though I wasn’t expecting this book to be like that, it certainly has been – I think that part the reason it is speaking to me so much is because, while the main focus on the book is on homeschooling, Layne takes a holistic approach to the subject and thus touches on so many other aspects of being a parent and of being a young child (and a human being, for that matter).


I did try to rein in my note-taking -- and I think I'll share less after the first 2 or 3 chapters, but I'm guessing ya'all may be seeing (notice I didn't make any assumptions by saying "reading") more than one post on this book.


From page 22:

 All of this sounds very calm, logical and reasonable, and I wish I could have been calm, logical and reasonable each time someone questioned my choices . . .  The criticism I received in the early years came from friends and acquaintances.  This was at times quite devastating, yet when I weighed the criticism against my inner convictions, I saw that it was my desire to be liked by everyone that was being threatened by people’s criticism.  Being liked by everyone has never been my goal.

I appreciate the idea that having a desire for something does not mean it is your actual goal.   I think her attitude could be applied to other situations in life where we find ourselves feeling defensive and/or criticized.  Perhaps I should apply it to this blog -- it's okay if I post things that result in people not liking me.


Also from page 22:

When someone questions my decision regarding homeschooling, I find that it is more helpful if I discuss the positive aspects of homeschooling rather than the negatives of school.  The positive reasons can be easier for someone to hear because it seems less threatening.  Because I have done something differently, some people feel my choice is a criticism of their own actions.  When I can state my reasons for my choices in positive terms based on my own feelings and perceptions, then, although the person I’m speaking with may disagree, it is often easier to accept. 

 This seems like such an obvious thing, in some ways.  And yet, it's amazingly hard to do, eh?  I like the idea that if you choose to homeschool (or some other slightly unconventional choice) your list of good things that come from it should be just as long as the list of bad things that might come from not doing it.  Don't breastfeed your child because of the downsides of formula, but rather because of the amazing benefits of breast-milk.  Don't choose to live in a smaller house/apartment because otherwise you might spend beyond your means or have a lot to clean, choose to live in a small space because it encourages creativity and less consumption.  Not only does this make it easier to talk with others about your choices without putting them on the defensive -- I think it also just keeps a more positive tune running through your own head.  And it means your decisions are made out of a desire for goodness in your life, not fear of what could be.

Three more quotes from this section that I feel can be applied outside the realm of homeschooling.  Then I'll make myself stop for now before this turns into a book.

From page 23:

Part of maturing is accepting that some of the choices you make about how you live your life may offend others.  This happens to everyone.  Homeschooling can be a way to find strengths you weren’t aware of as you find ways to stay true to your own beliefs while at the same time accepting that others may not agree with you. 

From page 25:

…air your grievances about homeschooling only to those who have no vested interest in you changing your method of education.  If your mother is quite concerned about you not sending your daughter to school, she would not be a good person to talk to when you feel that you are at the end of your rope…  When we choose to raise our children in ways that are different from the culture around us, then whatever behavior a child shows that might be irritating to his elders is usually attributed to whatever we are doing that is different from the dominant culture. 

From page 27:

Using empathetic listening skills when someone is criticizing your choice of education is an option that may also be helpful . . . i.e., “What do you mean you’re not sending her to school?  How will she ever be able to cope in the world and get a job?”  [The] empathetic response [would be] “When you think about her future you are worried she won’t be able to make it.”  As an empathetic listener, you don’t take what the person is saying personally, as something you need to defend, fix, or explain, instead you respond with empathy and concern for speaker’s feelings . . .  It is amazing how often people are really looking for an empathetic response rather than any other kind.

All quotes from Learning at Home used with author's permission:   www.martylayne.com