I'm still doing some major grieving that my marriage of nearly 10 years is coming to an end. There is so much to mourn and so much that will be missed. One of my hopes is that we will return to friendship and ease with each other, and sooner rather than later. However, it isn't always clear what actions/thoughts/behaviors/words taken/thought/done/said now will help that come to pass. At first glance, it seems like the best thing for us to do would be to say, "Oh, we'll just be flexible, figure it all out as it comes, it'll be fine" and both just try to be as giving and easy-going as possible. Upon further reflection, though, it seems like it would actually better serve us both to be as specific as possible, to think hard about how we are filling out the mountain of paperwork, and to get things down on paper now -- because then, in two years, we won't still be fighting because there will be nothing left to fight about. (Okay, that's obviously an exaggeration, but it seems, at least, that there would be a lot less left to keep hashing out.)
Hard stuff, folks. If I'm learning nothing else from this (and I am) it's sinking in deeper that I really have no clue about other people's lives and decisions -- and that I can't even predict my own thoughts, feelings, and reactions two months into the future. I just continue to try to do things/say things/make decisions in a way that I will feel good about in five years. Easier said than done, but a good starting point.
Grace. You're so brave. And wise. There really are no answers here, and yet we get out of bed every morning to seek them, and we find them, which is miraculous every time.
ReplyDeleteKeep seeking; you'll find them, and some day you'll get there, and you'll know: "This is what it was all for." Then you can hang colorful paper stars in your living room. You'll have stars; of this, I have no doubt.
Your comment about not being able to predict how you will feel and think even a little way into the future really resonates with me. I know the whole mid-life crisis thing is a cliche, but now that I'm there, I understand that it's a cliche because it's true. Mid-life is a really interesting time of flux and rebirth.
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the website http://www.futureme.org/? I wrote myself a letter from there a year ago and then forgot about it - when they sent it to me on my birthday, I had a hard time believing that it was really from me! Everything changed so much in such a short time.
And I will be sending you something soon; been meaning to for ages, still have it for you. xo
Thinking of you sweet Buffy...
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friends. I keep crossing things off my to do list which helps. My lawyer should be starting the accident settlement process this coming week -- it will be good to have something behind me.
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