Learning at Home: A Mother's Guide to Homeschooling by Marty Layne --Take VI -- Burnout

I was so pleased to hear from Marty Layne after she recently read my posts about this book.  I mentioned to her that I thought I had a bit more still to say about the last two chapters and I will try to do that now.     Though homeschooling/unschooling is still a definite possibility for our family in the future, our daughter has been in school for the past 8 months (she is now out for the summer).  And yet I continue to be struck by how much this book spoke to me -- again, because the way Layne thinks about education, learning, children, and parenting merely reflects the way that she thinks about and approaches life in general.

Chapter 8 deals with burnout -- and talks about learning to resolve and be comfortable with conflict (both internal and external) as a key way of preventing burnout. Layne raises a point that I'd never consciously thought about but that, upon reading it, seems like an obvious and basic truth -- "Mothering in and of itself can be rife with inner conflict . . . Experienced mothers . . . often think perhaps they ought to be doing something other than what they are doing" (p. 158). 

When one adds homeschooling to the mix, it's no wonder that there is a potential for burnout!  Homeschooling parents have to balance the role of supportive parent with the role of challenging teacher.  "The work that I ask my child to do will have an impact on my relationship with that child . . . weigh the necessity of that work against the necessity of maintaining a positive relationship with my child." (p.162)

One of the reasons I've been so drawn to this book is because it leans toward the unschooling side of things -- perhaps only slightly, but the slant is there nonetheless.  The following excerpt from Chapter 8 illustrates this for me:  "Once each child mastered the ability to read, write, and do math, my 'teaching' as such was over.  I no longer assigned or asked them to work on any specific learning tasks.  Instead, I help them to pursue their interests." (p.162)

Because each child is different, Layne suggests that, as your children begin to read, you ask them if they would like you to correct them.  Some children will want someone by their side, want to know that they are doing it "right".  Others may rather work on their own and ask for help only occasionally.  Layne says that even the act of asking your child what she would prefer may make working together easier.  

Layne is very aware that different methods work for different children/families at different times/ages.  If homeschooling starts to feel like it's not "working" for your family, she encourages you to take the time to reassess your ideas and options . . . "it's okay to stop doing something that you have started to do.  It is not one of life's rules that you must finish an activity when once you've started it" (p 164).  In fact, Layne says this is one of the advantages of homeschooling -- you have the freedom to make changes!  "We need to give ourselves permission to change; to no longer take part in things that we thought we defined us."(p.166)

I believe that it is very easy for parents who are at all trying to make conscious decisions regarding their children to feel defensive of their choices.  Because of this, I appreciate Layne's open attitude regarding education -- that "homeschooling does not invalidate schooling nor does schooling invalidate homeschooling" (p166).  She compares this to going shoe shopping -- you wouldn't expect everyone in your family to fit into the same size shoe -- and in fact, assuming you have children that are still growing, you will expect different sizes to fit them at different times.  

Layne ends the chapter with some additional ways of combating burnout, mini-vacations, and tension reducers:

• reading (to self and children)
• knitting/needlework
• journals [blogging :)}
• running/walking/physical activity/stretching/dancing
• find a support system
• make sure all hunger and thirst needs are met (yours as well as your children's)
• go outside
• blow bubbles
• meditate, pray, or visualize (Layne has found that doing this in the shower helps her stay awake :))
• let go of the idea that "a mother should . . . "
• get enough sleep
• take time to enjoy your children -- look them in the eye and see the love that you share

Chapter Nine is her concluding chapter and I'll just share two book titles she recommends.

None of the Above:  Behind the Myth of Scholastic Aptitude  by David Owen (deals with the SAT)

John Bear's Guide to Non-traditional College Degrees

Thanks again, Marty, for an inspiring and challenging book for any parent!

All quotes from Learning at Home used with author's permission:   www.martylayne.com